My endorsement of English

I was just reminded of the visit of the Frenchman in my home and how I communicated with the whole French group here. The memory for the past experience just merged with the impressions from the movie in Swedish I watched yesterday night.

When I listened to the French group and could understand whole words and phrases (of course, thanks to the setting and context). Then I understood that I’ve been deceiving myself my whole life that I study English (generally, a Germanic language) and I’ve been studying mispronounced French (a Romance language). I knew French words in English are a lot but I hadn’t realized how many exactly. I felt some resentment but then I realised the opportunity of easier studying of French (although I’ve never thought about that seriously). Then I compare this to the film yesterday- I don’t say I don’t like Swedish- just the opposite. However, when I heard how English might have sounded (had it preserved the biggest part of its Germanic nature and vocabulary) I sighed with relief that it don’t.

Now I realise I’m happy to study the language that distorts words in the most enchanting way possible- English- a charming ‘wordcracker’.

Hahaha! Thanks to Rosita, I just realized how unnaturally I look on pictures. However, I wonder, if I look unnaturally on all pictures, that could mean only one thing- I look unnaturally even in flesh. Yes, I usually compare myself to somebody just unburied, but that was just for the strange blue-purple colour my hands have sometimes and for the fact that my bones sometimes make strange clicking sounds when I move. Oh, and for the shape of my body- as if there’s no meat on it. Hahaha, I’ve always joked like that, but I’ve never realized how much my self-mockery is exactly representing the truth. Don’t misunderstand me- I like myself (although I pity the others who have watched me and who watch me now- I look like a big doll on strings), but I’ve seen more with my subconscious than with my eyes and that’s a little disappointing. The living dead! That sounds more like a title of an Edgar Allan Poe’s story. I just need someone to write that story for me.

Hahaha, I just can’t stop laughing!

Misunderstandings

Am I crazy? I think I have still preserved my sanity and good reason. But what about my guilt- it is still so strong in me. Just a few minutes ago I was amazed how strange people can be:

This year everybody was amazed that the II ‘rounds’ of the Linguistics and Mathematics Olympiads were in the same weekend, in the same day. I was not only surprised- I was shocked and even infuriated. Because I could be at both of them. Finally, I decided to go only to the Linguistics Olympiad. And another surprise emerged the last day, yesterday. The Olympiad should start at 14.00. Strange, eh? They gave a chance to the students go to the two of them. Of course, I decided it would be too exhausting to spend 14 hours of my weekend at school, pondering over strange things I can never solve because they are made to discourage the poor students from the provinces (I mean the mathematical problems). However, I was still surprised the Olympiad was scheduled at 14.00… Until, a few minutes ago, I was told they changed the schedule because of me (because I am the only person who could be at both of them) and now the whole community (OK, not so many people, but still…) will make an afternoon Olympiad as… never. Of course, no one asked me about my plans.

I feel guilty (because of the others), but I also feel irritated. Shouldn’t the teachers have asked me first and then make me take the responsibility for changing the plans of the others? Am I crazy or… the others just don’t think?

I refuse!

„Сачмалии!” or ““Can lee”- с две думи „Може ли(й) (такова нещо)?””

(I wanted to post this “article” at least ten days ago- now I found time at last. The situation even changed a little since then. I am really emotionally involved and might not sound so clear. Sorry!) 

Now I will show some facts:

1.     People organize protests because they don’t want children who have some really serious and mainly mental disorders to be moved into their neighbourhood because the people wouldn’t like to feel depressed when they see so much misery every day.

2.     People show on the TV one woman who tries to sing in English but she utters some inarticulate sounds; everybody laughs at her and even some journalists make special reportages about her- to show everyone her humble abilities because she has never studied English.

3.     Instead of helping, people shoot a film with their mobile phones while other people are trying to get out of a burning train.

Now guess which two of these are considered really wicked and which one is deemed normal and even amusing. If you do not have any information about the aforementioned things it’s not as easy as is seems.

And now we have the reaction of the media- (3.) they make analyses and try to prove that all Bulgarians are out of their minds- they are selfish and never expect anyone to help them, and that’s why they don’t help the others. If it was only this, I might have even agreed with it! (Well, not exactly- people in extraordinary situations are unpredictable or show what their originally wild nature really is. I don’t say it is good to be selfish in difficult situations but this is normal for people who are really scared. How often does a wild animal help any animal of its kind instead when a parent (and mainly a mother) helps its children? Sometimes we just follow our instincts.) But they shot a short film- that’s strange, eh? I’d say that it’s not so strange- it is the same as when people start to laugh in front of an awful view or when they don’t foresee good future, or just in difficult situations. Some people like to laugh, others like to shoot films. Induction leads us…

(2.) People try to live in a place where they don’t feel excessive grief every single day. I don’t blame them although I think we all should be magnanimous. We should be but we aren’t and, probably, will never be. Unfortunately! What more can I say? I don’t like to be grieved, too. And I’m sure these people don’t have a lack of sorrow- they don’t need to “import” some. I do think that they wouldn’t withstand such a thing.

However, let’s say that these things are really bad and see what the “good people” from the media do (if someone wonders why I’ve put “people” in inverted commas- it’s because they don’t fit their own standards for human beings). (1.) These “people” representing the television that most criticised these acts of wickedness paid really special attention to a woman who should have been pitied not less than the others. She sang awfully in “English” but it was just a casting. They could have missed her as the numerous untalented people who tried to take part in “Music Idol”. However, they did their best to inform everybody, even those who in the first days didn’t know that, how uneducated she was. Perfect! They are really benevolent and always try to help the others! And now their top achievement- the woman was obviously not exactly normal because she thought she could sing. They even promoted her and she really believed she was a star…

Now I sit and wonder- am I the one who is crazy to think this is not rightl; or just the problem is with the insane woman (or all other “strange” “singers/idols”)? Does she really deserve to be laughed at? Couldn’t they try to help her instead?…

Well, I do know one thing- wicked people are those who accept all this! I don’t!

People thought that I’m crazy! Ha! When I for the first time decided not to eat sweet for one month people at home refused to believe that- they spent many hours in trials to persuade me not to do that. Well, they couldn’t, but that’s not the most important. What is important is that it worked. It worked then, about a year ago, and it works now. I decided that three times in the year for one month I will not eat sweet things and won’t even drink sweet things- only water, soda, milk and tea without sugar. Why? Because I stopped relishing these things which used to give me great pleasure- I decided that when I “lose” them for one month then I will enjoy them more. I think it worked- a week ago my month of self-restrain finished and during this week I again succeeded to enjoy things I’d desired for a month and I still do that- every sip of cola, every chocolate is something tasty and it gives me pleasure- just what I wanted. During these months of restraint I also found new tastes- it’s much better to dine and drink only water- you feel the food and do not mix the tastes with juice, for example. It sounds strange, but I found new tastes and rediscovered the old ones. People thought that I’m crazy but they just couldn’t and still can’t imagine…

Meet Joe Black

I watched a wonderful movie. I’ve watched it before and it became one of my favourite but when I watched it 2 days ago I again discovered its wisdom and how much I like it. It is a perfect fusion of good acting, original plot and understandable and valuable messages. And, of course, great soundtrack. It is called ‘Meet Joe Black’. If you still haven’t, watch it! I hope you’d like it!

Why I don’t use emoticons

I was asked some days ago why I don’t use emoticons. And I decided to write here the answer. I don’t use emoticons because I consider them ineffective- I’m sure they won’t be exactly the most appropriate for a certain situation and person. I think that if I write to someone he should be able to infer my mood as I try to do with people.  If you make the right deduction, you know someone well. Isn’t it a challenge to think always what your friend wanted to say, what he implied? Wouldn’t he feel better if you understand him without some ‘help’? (Shakespeare didn’t put emoticons on his sonnets to clarify the feelings he had (as far as I know)). And I don’t compare myself with him- this just proves that in normal communication we don’t need these.

Emoticons express the average emotions- they are statistics (and statistics can say that one happy and one sad person are approximately indifferent, which wouldn’t be right for both of them). Feelings are something complex- they can’t even be described with one word- how could a picture show them properly? How can I explain the feeling of happiness that I speak to someone but at the same time I’m really concerned that I might bore him- is that a ‘smile’ or a worried face? Or both? Or nothing? Or something else..?

And as a conclusion: People are complex, their emotions are complex, and emoticons are simple. They just don’t fit. I compare them to using ready- made phrases to write letters- it is always better if you think out something yourself. Although I don’t mind reading emoticons I don’t want to write them because I like to concentrate mainly on words. (And the chief reason is not only the fact that I’m not good in English).

Lost time and success

I lost three days of my life. How? I took part in an informatics competition. And now I take the consequences- I don’t have time for anything- I, with great effort, try to make up for these 2 school days and the weekend. And it is unbearable! I went there “to represent the school” and to “check” at what level of knowledge I am. (According to the results it should be 0.) However, that’s not important- the important thing is that a boy from our school won first prize and these people classified this as good presenting of the school- no one dared saying that this success is only his and his private teacher’s- it has nothing to do with school, because the boy knew everything he would know about informatics if he studies at school before he came in my high school. He has learned just nothing from his current official teacher. The great injustice that they attributed the whole success to the school’s education is appalling! He succeeded because he has someone to really teach him and he has his resolution to succeed. Bitter truth but still the only truth!

When the lights went out

‘Where was Moses when the lights went out?’

‘In the darkness’

Yesterday night the electricity stopped for some time. You will ask if there is a problem. I usually think that there’s no problem in this, too, but yesterday I realized how much we (or perhaps only I) depend on it. There was nothing urgent but I was just going to call a friend of mine, whom I hadn’t seen on-line for weeks on Skype, and I couldn’t. (When the electricity came he was not there.) And this was just the beginning of my inconveniencies. We found only two candles and it was not so light in the room but we had to reconcile with that. We expected everything to be normal in about 5 minutes but it didn’t happen this way. We decided to do something to fill our time because no one could do anything- I couldn’t read, my mother couldn’t solve crosswords, my father- to watch TV, my grandmother- to knit- we decided to have dinner. Some people think it is romantic- dinner at candles- in a way it is. However, it was not so convenient to take all the dishes and cutlery with a flashlight in the other hand.

The situation made me wonder about the times when there was no electricity. Ordinary people’s day should have stopped almost with the last sunbeams. You can’t stay in candles for 4-5 hours in winter, right? They exhaust the eyes. And my problem was the thought that I wouldn’t be able to read- my plans were ruined. However, after about 40 minutes everything was OK but the feeling that I depend so much on something (for contemporary people this is, probably, normal) didn’t make me feel good!